When You're Feeling Blue.... Read Smut

On April 16, 2012

Everyone loves a little Harlequin romance, right? Nothing makes an illness easier to bear than Devon’s quivering manhood. And, lets’ face it…. there’s always a Devon or Connor or Jesse, isn’t there?

Oh, and Trevor. Trevor is always a good quivering-manhood name. I mean, can’t you just picture it now? Trevor probably works on a ranch, right? Because you can’t wear cowboy boots without working a ranch. And, I mean, come on, of course he has cowboy boots with a name like Trevor. That’s like a no-brainer, really. And sure, he falls in love with some jaded single mother with a name like Maggie or Katie. In fact, you can probably just tack an “ie” on the end of any name and it would fit perfectly in a romance novel. My name… Nicole, well that would just never do. But Nikki fits right in. Or better yet, use an inconvenient spelling, like Nicky or Nickie and you have yourself a real winner.

And then there are genres to consider. You’re more likely to find a Trevor in a novel like “Love’s Lost Bride”, but Trevors are the first to die in novels like “Ricochet: A Brethren Warrior Novel”, which is pretty much the most cliche I can get right now without hating myself in the morning.You can bet Ricochet’s hypothetical hero Blade or Drake is tearing up poor Trevor’s ranch, most likely while morphing into a werewolf-vampire-witch-wizard hybrid thing, because that’s totally in right now, and Trevor’s lost bride Nicky is really a werewolf-vampire-witch-wizard slayer who ends up totally lusting after Drake, because evil is so much more attractive than ranch hands. And as they come together in a clash of epic cosmic proportions, they save the supernatural underworld from total damnation.

Right? Am I right? That’s like every novel published in the last five years. I just saved you the trouble of ever having to read again. I’m like your hero, but without the “ie”. Seriously.

And because I’ve been feeling like death warmed over these last few days, I decided to entertain myself with a little self-indulgent short fiction. Meet my new paranormal heroine, Teri Talon. No joke. One of these days when I’m not too lazy to actually write a full novel, why, I plan on writing three or ten of them! And of course they will be fantasy. I mean, Talon? Come on. That’s the epitome of badass-ness. And we musn’t forget the absolute unbroken name rule…. her first name ends with an “i”. I couldn’t bring myself to add the “e”. I have to draw the line somewhere.

I would torture you with my story, but it’s actually more like a 60 page novella and Blogger wont accept it, so you’ll just have to take my word for it that it’s more awesome than all the things you ever thought were awesome in your whole life.

And even though this had nothing to do with jewelry at all, happy weaving everyone and have a great night!