This Month In Words: Blech

On October 30, 2014 October is, generally speaking, the highlight of my year. The changing of the leaves from their summer greens to the golden armour of fall. The pumpkins lining stoop after stoop, some clearly carved with grinning faces. The cold touch of a changing season in the wind. These are all the most obvious, but everlasting, reasons to love the month of October here along the east coast of Michigan.

To ward off the negativity of this month, however, I would need a whole army of pumpkins. Thanks a lot Mercury in Retrograde. Which, for those who aren’t aware, is the time of the year when everyone is most likely to muck up the simplest of plans. When everything, from the physical body to the trip to the grocery store, somehow turns horribly, horribly backwards.

This month I managed to catch pneumonia a second time. I lost several tutorial files. My concentration has been non-existent, and I’ve generally felt more ill than I have all year.

However, now that the retrograde ended on the 25th, things are coming around. I recovered the lost files, my trip to the cardiologist revealed my heart is pumping perfectly, and the effects of the pneumonia are slowly (painfully slow) ebbing away.

But about that cardiologist…..

So, I had to get a stress test two days ago. I’m 38 years old and have never had a reason before this year. This horrible month, to be exact. My chest was hurting, I was extremely fatigued, easily winded, and had a slight cough. There was no sign of infection, and the lungs looked clear, so we got to rule out the lingering pneumonia, but which also meant there were more pressing concerns. My heart.

Off I go. I Googled what happens during a stress echocardiogram, of course…. because I Google everything. According to WebMD I have prostate cancer, so I suppose a stress test is the least of my concerns. I was hooked up to the machine, walked the treadmill and, well, realized how hopelessly out of shape I really am.

I don’t talk about it often, but I have struggled with weight my entire life. Though I’m not entirely sure “struggled” is the right word. It’s never bothered me. I’m always comfortable in my skin. But with pressing, undiagnosed health problems constantly lingering, it seemed unwise to continue to catapult cupcakes into my face on a daily basis.

This summer I cut grains. All grains. Which was painful, because I love cupcakes.

And over the last four months I’ve managed to lose 45 pounds, an accomplishment for which I’m quite pleased with myself. However, as my five minutes on the treadmill for the stress test clearly indicated, I had a long long way to go. To admit I was a tad ashamed of my heaving after those five minutes would be doing a disservice to my humiliation. Walking back to the car, I realized, time to buck up and fight for life.

Today I went for my first 2.5 mile walk, and it felt really good. And by “good” I mean it killed my calves and felt as though nails were being driven into my heels. And every day I plan on going for a 2.5 mile walk. I’m going to build myself back up instead of allowing my body to tear me further down. I’m going to drive nails into my heels until I just don’t feel them anymore, because anything is better than constant sickness.

I’ve lost most of my hair, permanently. And I can’t do much about that. But I can, you betcha, change things elsewhere. Cliche though it may be, where there is a will, there is always a way.

So, I’m starting November with positivity oozing from every pore… and, to keep it so, I will sacrifice spiders and maybe beetles (because they are icky), to every god listening.

Bring it, November. I got your number, buddy.

And I am finishing up October well. I’ve posted new tutorials, a special one week only, discounted Tutorial Bundle Package, and my creativity is booming (these tutorials are available individually as well). Ideas have been swimming these last few days. I have new beaded pieces to finish, more goddess jewelry and more (hopefully successful) experimentation with knotted cords and possible micro macrame. It’s going to be an exciting new world for me in the coming months, and I hope you’ll stick around for the journey.

Don’t forget… the Tuesday Treasure Hunt is next week, with an all new lesson available. And I’m hoping to have another contest going before the end of the year, if time will allow, so keep an eye out.

And thank you for listening to my ranting and raving. It does a body good to vent. You should vent too… tell me what’s bothering you in the comments below. Who knows? Maybe releasing it into the world, releases its power over us.

Happy weaving everyone!

Nicole